Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cut my penus on the lid.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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