Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
