what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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