I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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