he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
