You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
