she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
