My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
