Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
