Porn is love you can see.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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