he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
