This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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