How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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