When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
