Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
