Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
