Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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