I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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