I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
