I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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