Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
