I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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