she smelled like a LAN party
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
