ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
