Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
