Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
