i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
