grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
