I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
