I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
