Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
