The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
