we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
