i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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