I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
