shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
