this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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