My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
