guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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