hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
