So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
