Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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