That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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