So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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