ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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