You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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