Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
