are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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