we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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