Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
