i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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