the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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