you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
