i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
