Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
