If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
