I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
