I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize