I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
