Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
