i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
