I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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