I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
