i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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