I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
