Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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