I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
