it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize