I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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