I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
