So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
