The maid of honor just puked.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
