He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
