Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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