just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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