Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
