Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
