im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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