Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
