I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
