I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
