did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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