At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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